Without Him
by rowanrawr
Summary: And so we were left to try to live without him - Another take on the story, from book 5 onwards. Told in Darren's POV. AU.
1. prologue

The knife went in deep, all the way down to the hilt.

Blood pooled around the wound. It streamed down his shirt and coated my desperate hands.

His last words, "Farewell, Master Shan," were met with my screams of denial and refusal. He couldn't die, not now, not like this. It was my fault, but I couldn't do anything. I was useless. He smiled, shut his eyes and didn't open them again, no matter how hard I begged him.

The traitor's hand fell on my shoulder but I shoved it away angrily. I heard him pleading with me, but I didn't want to listen to his words. They were empty, they were meaningless. I never should have listened to his words in the first place.

When my throat became hoarse, I moved away from his body and stood. Safe in the knowledge that he couldn't feel pain any more, I yanked the knife from his chest and, with tears blurring my vision, threw it back at its owner, back at the traitor.

And then I ran. I ran until I reached the river. I didn't care if I had hit the traitor with the knife or not. I didn't care if I ran into more vampaneze. I didn't care if some vampire guards found me and killed me on the spot for running away.

I jumped into the freezing water, and I didn't care if I drowned.

Nothing mattered any more.

My mentor, my best friend, my _father_ had been killed and I was to blame.

The numbness that the raging river gave me was welcome.


	2. chapter one

The sunlight was harsh.

I lay still for a moment, trying to feel if I had broken anything major. In the back of my mind, it occurred to me that I was incredibly lucky for surviving my trip through the rapids. Or unlucky, depending on how I looked at my situation.

Cold water still covered my feet and the more awake I became, the more they started to hurt. With some effort, I pulled myself up into a sitting position and dragged my feet out of the river. My body felt battered and bruised, but as far as I could tell the only thing I had really damaged was the thumb on my left hand. It was sticking out at an unnatural angle, and flared into pain when I poked it.

I looked up river to see how far from the mountain I had floated. The great mountain range was distant, probably a day or two walk away. Down river was forest and snow. I squinted through the sunlight and could just make out the waterfall which poured out of the mountain, the one I must have fallen down.

The air was freezing, even though the sun was high and bright. Somewhere in the back of my mind a voice appeared, reminding me that if I was ever in a situation like this I had to take off my clothes or risk freezing to death inside of them.

I refused to think about who the voice belonged to.

I stood shakily and looked around for some cover. I didn't think anyone would be nearby, but the human part of me protested about getting undressed in the open.

The cover of the forest was farther away than I had thought, and it took a lot of effort to get there without falling down. Taking off my clothes proved very difficult with my deformed thumb. It snagged on my jumper, and was useless when it came to pulling off my trousers. It didn't help that everything I was wearing was soaked through and clung to me uncomfortably, almost as if it didn't want to leave me.

The freezing air hit me instantly, but at least I was no longer being weighed down by my wet clothes. I didn't know why I was going to all this effort to save myself. I had jumped in the river without caring if I survived, without really wanting to survive. Apparently my will to live was stronger than my grief.

I knew next I had to find shelter, perhaps make a fire, and find some food. I was drained from the walk to the trees and freeing myself from my clothes, but I had to carry on. If I stopped, I would die.

Something in the back of my head liked that idea, and I almost fell onto the ground, ready to lie there and freeze to death. My hands found a tree trunk and I clung on to it, just to stay on my feet. It was difficult to decide what to do. The thought of my mentor dying made my chest hurt badly. I felt as if I should die with him. It was my fault, after all. Dying was all I deserved.

But then the vampaneze and the traitor flashed through my mind. I was the only one who knew about them. It was my duty to go back and warn everyone. I was sure I would be killed anyway for running from my trial, but I at least had to try to stop Kurda. More people would die, that I was certain of. No one would stand for him betraying the clan, everyone would fight.

I figured he would kill the Princes first, because then he would have control of the Stone of Blood. And if he had control of that, he would have control of the entire clan. It made me feel ill to try to figure out his motives, his thoughts, his plan. But it was necessary. How else was I to stop him?

That question made up my mind, and before I really knew what was happening, I had started out through the forest.

The river became quiet in my ears, and that was when I could go no further. I fell to my knees in the snow, my hands only just darting out in time to stop myself from falling onto my face. I felt weak. The battering I had taken in the water, and the injuries I still had from my Trials of Initiation were too much.

I wanted desperately to get up and carry on, but it was impossible. Times I tried and fell back down on to the snow. I couldn't say how long it was since I had jumped in the river, and I couldn't say how long it would be before Kurda started killing more people. I had to assume it would all happen very soon, and if I didn't make it back as soon as possible...

I became aware of leaves crunching ahead of me. I looked up and my breath caught in my throat. Through burred vision I could just make out yellow eyes watching me from the shadows of the trees.

I rose to my knees as the eyes multiplied. They were surrounding me. Snow crunched loudly behind me, and I slowly turned to see what had made the noise.

The wolf yapped and leapt at me.


	3. chapter two

Wolves were friends with vampires. Wolves didn't attack vampires. As the wolf leapt at me I figured perhaps this pack was starving and were desperate to eat anything, even if it was a half-vampire. Or maybe I had passed into their territory.

All I knew was that there was no way I could fight back, and I was perhaps the unluckiest vampire ever to live.

It was only when the wolf started to lick my face and push his wet nose into my neck did I realise I had been mistaken. These wolves weren't going to eat me! As the wolf moved back a bit I recognised the furry face and actually managed to laugh.

"Rudi?" I wheezed, and the wolf jumped on me again, yapping happily.

I was surprised that Rudi remembered who I was. A voice passed through my head again, telling me that a wolf never forgets a face. I made myself pretend it was Gavner who had told me that. Not _him_.

The other wolves had emerged, and I was surprised again to see that it was the two females and Streak who had been with Rudi the first time we met. The three adult wolves looked older, and as Rudi moved back again I saw he had also aged from young pup to adult. Though he still seemed as playful as ever.

"I have to get back to the mountain," I told them as they came to sit around me. Streak tilted his head slightly and lifted his nose in the direction of the mountain. "Yes, I have to go back."

Rudi lifted his head to look me in the eyes. I got the feeling he knew what was happening, that he knew how desperate I was to stop Kurda and his mad plan. He put his head back in my lap. It looked as if he wanted me to stay here.

"Rudi, I have to go. I owe it to..." I trailed off. I couldn't say his name. Couldn't even think it. "I have to warn the clan." I said instead, running my good hand over my face.

The sun was starting to set, and I was exhausted and starving. I wanted nothing more than to get moving, but I knew I wouldn't make it in my current condition. "We'll stay here tonight," I told the wolves. Something told me they would come with me when I was ready. "I just need to rest for a few hours."

I lay down right where I was and closed my eyes. I felt warm, furry bodies press against me and felt Rudi's nose in my back. I smiled as I fell asleep.

The overwhelming smell of blood woke me up. My eyes opened and I found myself face to face with a dead deer. My stomach grumbled hungrily.

Streak was sat next to the deer, looking proudly down at me. His snout was stained red. The two females were a little way behind him, and were sharing another deer, a smaller one. Rudi poked his head out of the closest deer's stomach when he heard me stir. Most of his head was blood red. Bits of skin and insides hung from his teeth. I had to push him away as he came to greet me.

Streak dragged the deer around so it's open stomach was facing me and then lay down, watching my carefully. I hadn't eaten raw deer before, we had always cooked it over a fire on our trek up to the mountain. But I was so hungry I didn't care. I used my good hand to tear strips of flesh from the deer, and Rudi came back to eat next to me, helping me tear the deer apart.

The blood felt good. It wasn't nearly as strong as human, but it still did wonders for my strength. By the time I had finished eating I felt much better than I had a few hours ago.

The sky was still dark as we finished our meals and started out for the mountain. I thought about skinning the deer and making some sort of clothing from it, for warmth, but quickly dismissed the idea. I didn't have time for that.

The wolves and I walked through the snow for a while. I was slowly regaining my strength, and soon managed to jog for a while. Rudi saw this as a game, and ran ahead of me, his tail high and wagging playfully. He seemed to be egging me on. He pushed me first into a long jog, and then a run, and finally a sprint. The other three wolves stayed at my side, keeping pace with me effortlessly.

By the time dawn broke, we had made it to the sparse forest that encircled the base of the mountain. We were still a long way off, but it made me happy to see the mountain range was much closer. I could even hear the waterfall.

We rested by the river for a while. Rudi and I caught some fish for the pack to eat, and after I lay down to take a nap.

The sun was low in the sky when I woke up again. Rudi was lying by my side, but the other three wolves were stood to attention by the edge of the bushes we were behind. I frowned and made to stand but a low growl from Rudi stopped me dead.

He crawled forward on his belly and I followed him. The other three wolves were also laying low now, and as I came up next to them I saw that their hackles were raised. Their eyes were pinned on something beyond the bushes.

I carefully pushed a few branches aside and instantly understood their strange behaviour.

Kurda Smahlt was stood in the shade of the trees, a sword in his hand. A group of people were behind him.


	4. chapter three

I didn't know what to do. It was clear that he was here to look for me. I assumed the sword meant he thought I might have survived. I knew if he found me he would run me through with it. And the other people? Were they support?

Rudi pressed himself closer to me as the group moved out of the shade of the trees. The sun was low, and didn't seem to bother Kurda as he made no move to put his hood on. Two other people, also armed, had their hoods up, so I couldn't recognise them. I guessed from the way they stuck right at Kurda's side they were his assistants. They were probably also ready to kill me on sight.

"I don't know why we aren't splitting up," Kurda said, glancing around nervously. "We'd cover more ground. Have a better chance of finding them."

"It doesn't make sense to look away from the river."

My stomach dropped as I realised who the remaining members of the group were. Gavner's usually happy face was solemn, the bags under his eyes more pronounced than I had ever seen them. Arra was beside him, and she looked equally unhappy and exhausted.

I could see now the wolves were directing their attention at Kurda and his assistants. They must have sensed that something was wrong with them. Or maybe they could smell the vampaneze on them. Rudi looked ready to pounce, so I put a hand on his back, trying to silently tell him not to move. If he did my cover would be blown and then there'd be a fight.

Kurda sighed, "Okay, fine."

"We ain't checked the waterfall yet," one of his assistants said quickly. I saw Kurda give him a sharp look, but he had turned away from Gavner and Arra, so they didn't see it.

"Cyrus is right, we checked this stretch of river only last night," the other assistant put in. "The waterfall is the only place that hasn't been searched, yet the only place that is most likely to have answers."

The two true vampires agreed half-heartedly, and followed the three traitors back up the river. A bad thought had entered my mind, but I pushed it away. I could take a guess at why Kurda's assistants had been so quick to suggest searching the waterfall...

The wolves had already started after the group, and I quickly caught up with them, moving as quietly as I could.

No one said anything as we climbed up the river's edge. We were approaching the waterfall fast, and it seemed that we were taking a shortcut to the mountain. If I had carried on through the forest it would have taken me at least another day to reach the mountain. I had been trailing the group for what must have been only a few hours and already the terrain had changed from snow and leaves to rocks and the ground was steadily steeping upwards.

At times I had to fall back so that I wouldn't be noticed. The group often went out of sight, but the wolves never lead me astray, and we would always catch up with them again. Right near the waterfall's base, the group crossed a fallen log and started up the other side of the river. I stayed on my side and carried on parallel to them. I was tempted to run ahead now that they couldn't reach me, but curiosity took over.

Something inside told me that Kurda had planned something at the waterfall. I knew exactly what it was, and knew that it would be horrible, but I refused to let the thought develop fully. I needed to stay as close to the traitor as I could, and, thankfully, the wolves seemed to be in the same frame of mind. I felt better at having them so close.

"You do realise that he most likely won't be alive," Kurda shouted. He was raising his voice over the sound of the raging water, and I could just make out his words from the other side of the river.

"Especially seeing as how even Crepsley hasn't made it," one of the assistants, Cyrus, added.

My chest exploded with pain at hearing his name. Across the water, I could see that Gavner had put his arm out in front of Arra, seemingly to stop her from punching Cyrus. Gavner did look furious though, and for a moment I thought he would do the job for her.

"Show some respect, please," Kurda interjected, stepping between them, facing his assistants. The two of them moved on, and the traitor followed, throwing an apologetic glance back at Gavner and Arra.

My chest still hurt. I unclenched my fists and imagined that my mentor's blood was covering them again. For a moment I was back in the tunnel, watching my mentor die. My head and heart were pounding furiously, and a sudden urge to jump back in the river overcame me.

I think I would have done too, if Rudi hadn't started licking my face. I clung to the wolf, slowly composing myself again. I couldn't end it all yet. I had a job to do.

* * *

From my side of the river, I couldn't see what had caused such a reaction in the group, though deep inside my mind I already knew.

It must have been awful, because even the traitor had paled and seemed at a complete loss. I could hear a painful wail coming from the water's edge, and the wolves and I crawled across the rocks to get a look at what was happening. The rocks we were on came out across the water slightly, and we had a vantage point to watch from. The group was below us. They wouldn't be able to see me clearly, not even if they looked closely.

The two assistants were standing in the dark shadows of trees. Kurda was a little in front of them, and the moonlight made his expression clear: He was horrified. But I couldn't find it within me to feel sorry for him. I could only feel hatred for the traitor.

I was almost sick as I saw what was at the water's edge.

My mentor's body looked horribly deformed. I could tell even from this distance that most of his bones had been broken. His arms and legs were laying at wrong angles. Where his skin wasn't covered in blood and dark bruises it was white. His neck was twisted in a way it shouldn't, and half of his face was unrecognisable. Just a mess of broken bones and blood.

Gavner had scooped the body up and was crying over it. That was where the awful wailing was coming from. I had never heard such a horrific sound. I started crying myself the more I looked and listened. Grief and guilt flooded over me. I felt so numb it was hard to feel Rudi pressed up against me.

Arra was stood over Gavner and the body, but wasn't looking at them. She was looking out over the rocks and the water, I guessed trying to find some sign of me. I saw her say something, but couldn't hear the words. Kurda shook his head and also said something I couldn't hear, and his assistants relaxed their stance a little.

It was only as Kurda and his assistants turned away, and Arra fell to her knees beside Gavner and my mentor did I run, the wolves hot on my heals.


	5. chapter four

Streak took the lead as the wolves and I ran up the rocks towards the mountain. He seemed to know where to go, a secret route that took us away from the main entrances to the mountain. I was still too numb to care about much, so I was glad of his leadership.

We hit the tunnel at full pelt, and I would have carried on if Rudi hadn't jumped up at me to slow me down. It was very dark inside the tunnel. The darkness and silence was soothing, and I let it wash over me for a few moments. My body was aching all over and I felt ready to fall down, but at least I was inside the mountain.

I just had to find someone I could trust, tell them everything I knew, and then the responsibility would be lifted from my shoulders.

We carried on up through the tunnel, walking slowly, alert for sounds of life around every corner. I couldn't decide who I should approach. My first choice was the Princes, but I was afraid a guard would stop me before I could get my words out. I trusted Arra and Gavner the most, but had no idea where to find them. Their rooms were at the heart of the mountain, but would they even be there? They could still be outside, looking for me.

Vanez was another option, but the gamesmaster also dwelt too deep within the mountain. Harkat passed fleetingly through my mind, but I dismissed him instantly. I needed a vampire to talk to, of that I was certain. The Little Person would have to wait.

My final choice, Seba, was someone I knew I could trust. But with the traitor's upcoming investure, I wasn't sure if the quartermaster would be in his rooms. I remembered the old vampire telling me that he would be kept very busy during that time, arranging feasts, food and drink, celebrations.

Streak had lead us to a dead-end, but was pawing at the ground. In the darkness I could just make out a crack in the wall. Curious, I leant down next to the wall and peered through the gap. Beyond was a large room, filled with boxes and crates and sacks. One of the storerooms. In front of the crack in the wall was a pile of sacks.

It was certainly a strange way to enter the mountain, but I didn't complain. Using my left, useless hand to support myself, I started to chip away at the rock with my right, working the crack, trying to make a gap big enough for us to squeeze through. Thankfully, the rock here was relatively soft, and it didn't take too long for me to have created a small opening.

I pushed through, knocking over the sacks in the process and sending hundreds of potatoes spilling over the floor. They made a surprisingly loud noise. I lay still for a moment, heart pounding, ready for someone to come into the vast storeroom and find me. No one did though, and after a few minutes of composing myself I stood and carefully manoeuvred my way over the potatoes.

I didn't have the time or energy to start tidying up after myself, so I left the crack in the wall uncovered, trusting the wolves – who were laying silently in the tunnel beyond – to guard it for any intruders. I did manage to tear apart one of the empty potato sacks and tie it around my waist; it had suddenly occurred to me that I could run into anyone at any moment.

As it turned out, I ran into somebody much sooner than I had expected. As I was so focused on not stepping on any potatoes, I heard the door to the storeroom open too late and could only stand there looking like an idiot, one foot raised, arms flung out to the sides.

"Darren?" Seba wheezed, rubbing his eyes in astonishment.

I grinned, "Hey, Seba. Sorry about the potatoes."

* * *

Seba took me back to his room. We entered through the other storerooms so as not to be seen. He fished out some proper clothes for me, and gave me a big bowl of broth and a mug of blood. I explained everything to him as I ate and drank, and he sat there studying me quietly, listening carefully to my every word.

I couldn't bring myself to say my mentor's name yet. He was simply 'my mentor' or 'him'. Seba knew who I meant. Like Arra and Gavner had, the old vampire also looked tired and sad. It had aged him more than I thought possible.

I managed to not cry throughout my story, but was certainly on the edge. It was a mix of relief and grief and sorrow, and it was hard to keep all of that in check.

After I had finished Seba sat quietly, and only spoke to say he had to fix my thumb. He reset the bone (which was very painful) and then bandaged it up. I was a bit worried about his reaction. I had hoped he would know what to do, and would take over for me.

I opened my mouth to say something but was cut off by a knock on the door.

Seba hurried me back out into the storerooms, motioning for me to stay quiet and still, and I hid behind the door, peering through. I hoped it was Kurda and at the same time I didn't. He had to be questioned by the Princes before he could be killed, but I didn't trust myself not to launch myself at him.

Seba ushered two people inside his small room, and I almost ran out when I saw them.

"Kurda's assistants have said they've found a pile of clothing, Seba!" Gavner exclaimed excitedly, gripping the quartermaster's arm. I froze. "It's him! Darren must still be out there!"

Seba masterfully managed to look shocked and happy, even though he knew I was in the room behind them, "That is wonderful news!"

"We're going back out to find him," Arra said with a glance up at Gavner, who grinned and gave her a thumbs up.

"But it is Kurda's investiture in only a few hours," Seba faltered slightly, "You cannot miss that."

"We won't," Gavner reassured with a smile.

"Finding Darren is more important anyway. Kurda would understand if we didn't turn up," Arra held her hands up and sighed at Seba's expression, "But we'll be back in time."

Gavner nodded and turned to open the door, "And if we don't find him now, we'll just skip the celebrations and go out again." He held the door for Arra and then he followed, adding quickly, "We just wanted to let you know the good news!"

The door shut and Seba laid a hand against it to steady himself. I came out of the storeroom and collapsed into a chair, "Why didn't you tell them?" I asked.

Seba came to sit opposite me, "Because they would have gone straight to Kurda and killed him," he said bluntly. "I do not blame them, either. It is what I wish to do."

I leant forward slightly and lowered my voice, "But we need answers from him, Seba."

The old vampire nodded slowly, "I understand. And he will be put to justice once he has spoken."

I nodded too and sank back in my chair, exhaustion finally catching me up, "We need to make a plan."

"Yes," Seba agreed, and then smiled at me sympathetically, "but you need to get some sleep. I will make the plans, do not worry."


	6. chapter five

In all honesty, it wasn't the best of plans. I wasn't even sure it would work. But with the little time we had it was all we could come up with.

If the guards acted quickly and stopped me, at least Seba would be able to intervene. He had alerted his assistants to the possibility of a disturbance during the ceremony, and had told them to stop anyone who raised a weapon. He hadn't mentioned me. I just hoped my sudden appearance wouldn't distract them from their job.

It was all down to timing. I felt much better after my sleep, and even better after another bowl of broth and mug of blood. Seba had given me a knife to defend myself with if anyone attacked me, but I hoped I wouldn't have to use it. Still, I gripped it tightly in my right hand, at the ready.

The wolves stood beside me, posed to jump into action at any minute. And it wouldn't be long, I saw, as the last of the clan filed into the Hall of Princes. My place behind a corner down the corridor kept me well out of sight, but I would have to start running as soon as the last vampire stepped over the threshold. The guards were sure to notice me but I hoped they would be too surprised to react in time.

I gripped the knife and pushed the sleeves of my jumper up, and then the last vampire had entered the hall, and I sprinted forward. The wolves sprang forward with me, and we rushed the guards closing the great doors to the hall.

They started, surprised, and hesitated in their confusion. This was exactly what I had hoped for and I put another spurt of energy into my run. The guards raised their spears but they looked unsure about what to do, especially with the wolves snapping and growling at them.

I side-stepped around them and ran straight into the back of a huge vampire, who shouted in shock. This was _not _part of the plan. I ducked under the swing of his fist and fought my way through the crowds. Most turned to see what all the commotion was, and even more backed away nervously at the sight of the four wolves surrounding me.

I could hear shouts coming from behind me, and raised my own voice with them, still pushing my way through the crowds.

As Seba and I had expected, Kurda's assistants jumped into action as soon as they realised what was happening. I saw one come from my right, but was taken down by the two female wolves. They took his arms in their jaws, and that caused even more confusion, as the vampire went down and blood poured everywhere.

A kick to my stomach sent me reeling backwards, as my attention was drawn by the vampire on the floor. My attacker leapt at me again, this time knife raised, but was cut short by Streak. The wolf dodged the knife completely and sunk his teeth into the vampire's throat. I ignored the dying vampire and raised my own knife, prepared for any more attacks.

"What the _hell_ is going on?" I heard someone shout from near the front of the hall. I pushed my way through the final group of vampires and was suddenly stood in front of the Princes and the traitor.

"Darren?" Paris asked quietly, and Kurda lowered his head.

I heard shouts behind me and the rest of Kurda's assistants were dragged forward by Seba's. The old vampire came with them and put a hand on my shoulder as he reached me.

"What is the meaning of this, Seba?" Paris asked, his voice grave.

"Darren and I can explain everything, Sires. My assistants are not in the wrong, are doing no wrong. They restrain traitors to the clan, they have stopped those who wish the hide the truth from us," Seba explained calmly, meeting each of the Prince's eyes.

"And just what truth would that be," Mika asked, his voice low and dangerous.

Seba patted my shoulder and gave me an encouraging nod. I cleared my throat and laid a hand on Rudi's head, "Right now, there are tens of vampaneze hiding in the tunnels of the mountain. They're here on _his _command," I pointed a finger at Kurda, "and as far as I can figure he plans to use them to take over the mountain."

My speech was met with gasps of shock and horror.

"He's a traitor," my voice broke and finally Kurda looked up at me. There was defeat in his eyes. I tore my gaze away from his as I heard another noise to my left, and saw Gavner and Arra push their way to the front of the crowd.

I looked back up at Kurda and muttered just loud enough for them to hear, "He killed Mr Crepsley."


	7. chapter six

First off, I'm really sorry for the lack of updates. I got a new laptop, which decided it didn't like me, and a whole bunch of other general life things happened too (I'm working two jobs and doing a night-class at college too…) And even now, there are builders in the house that are distracting me from really focussing on this, so if you see any mistakes, or if any of it doesn't make sense, blame them!

Secondly, I would like to say thank you to those of you who are taking the time to read and review this story. It means a lot that there are people out there who are still interested in what I'm writing! Thanks for your continued support!

* * *

"Do you deny it?"

Mika's voice was cold and hard. He and Arrow were standing, both looking furious. Paris remained seated behind them. He looked tired and weary, and he was watching me carefully.

Kurda, who hadn't moved an inch, sighed, "No. I don't deny it."

There was a moment of silence before the entire hall erupted into chaos. All over people were screaming their hatred for him, calling for his death, demanding he answer questions. None of it fazed him. He continued to stare at me sadly until Arrow kicked the back of his knees forcefully, and he went down. The traitor didn't struggle as the huge Prince hauled him back to his feet and pinned his arms behind his back.

"Bring them, too," Arrow growled to Seba's assistants, and they pushed their remaining captives through the crowds. I could see people landing hits on Kurda as he and his assistants were dragged through the hall, but he didn't flinch or shy away from the abuse.

"Silence!" Paris called as the traitor left the hall. The crowd quietened considerably at this, though there were still angry mutters to be heard. I looked up at Seba, who still had a hand on my shoulder. His eyes were fixed on the elderly Prince. "Darren," I looked up at Paris and he managed to smile slightly, "do you remember where these vampaneze are?"

I nodded, going through the route in my head, "On the east side of the mountain. We were near the waterfall, near the Hall of Death."

Paris nodded kindly, "Good. Do you feel up to telling your story to Mika and I? We need to know everything that has happened."

I nodded again, but slowly. I didn't want to have to keep reliving the whole thing. Paris smiled again and motioned for me follow him through to a smaller chamber at the back of the hall.

"Vanez! Staffen!" Mika shouted across the crowd as I started up to join Paris, "Organise two teams to find these vampaneze! I want exact numbers and their exact location. I want to know how well they're armed and the best plan of action to deal with them."

I turned to see Vanez and another vampire I didn't recognise – but assumed was Staffen – nod and turn to face the crowd, picking people out and calling them forward.

"The rest of you are to stay here. No one leaves this hall until we have all the details! Is that clear?" Mika finished commanding the crowd and turned, walking straight past me and into the chamber.

* * *

It was difficult, trying to recall every detail of the story while Mika and Paris were watching me too closely. I managed not to cry while recalling Mr Crepsley's death. At that point Paris made the death's touch sign, and even Mika looked away for a moment. Their reactions shocked me, especially Mika's, and made me realise just how well respected Mr Crepsley had been.

After I had finished, Mika left and told the crowd in the other hall to prepare for battle. I sat numbly and listened to their cheers and savage cries. He answered a few questions too, defending me, saying that he and Paris believed every word of my story, cursing others to have more faith in me.

"Your actions have been very brave and noble, Darren," Paris told me with a pat on my knee, "I am sure Larten would be proud of you."

I nodded and fought to hold back a sob. It was all a reality now. Mr Crepsley was really dead and gone and I was on my own. I knew that even though I had come back and saved the clan from a traitor, I still had to go through a trial for running away. I would still mostly likely be put to death. I almost didn't mind that fact, either.

Gavner and Seba were waiting outside the Hall of Princes for me. There were only guards left now, the rest of the clan having gone to get ready at Mika's instruction. Gavner enveloped me in a bear hug as soon as he reached me, almost snapping me in two.

"I knew you'd come back," he said, releasing me but keeping a firm hold on my shoulders. "I told them, I told them all you'd come back and explain everything. I knew you wouldn't let us down."

I didn't know what to say, so I just shrugged and managed a small smile. The general looked rough and ragged, worse than he looked the last time I saw him in the forest, but he seemed genuinely happy to see me. I glanced around, noting the absence of the wolves.

"They left with Vanez," Seba explained, "He took a group of vampires outside to examine the vampaneze's hideout from a different angle."

"Arra went with him," Gavner added, steering me away from the hall and down the corridor. "Seba told me everything while we were waiting, so I won't ask questions, don't worry. Are you hungry?"

"Not really," I answered truthfully, glancing up at him, finding his behaviour odd.

"Still," Seba noted from behind us, "you should try to eat something. To get your strength back." I looked back over my shoulder and smiled slightly at him.

"They'll be back from searching for the vampaneze soon, so we'll wait for Arra there anyway," Gavner added. He looked down at me as we walked, and smiled. There was a mix of hope and sadness behind it. He ruffled my hair, and for a moment he was almost the same old Gavner I had known before. "It's good to have you back, little cub."


	8. chapter seven

"So, he's gone back to Destiny?"

Gavner nodded sadly, "He was convinced you were dead and felt no need to be here any more. Sorry mate," he added with a pat on my shoulder, "but it's better if you know it all now."

I mumbled in agreement and turned my head to look at the fire burning away in the hearth. We were now waiting in Seba's office, as the conversations of the other vampires in the Hall of Welcome had been too much. They were all talking about how it must be so difficult for me to have lost Mr Crepsley, how noble I was for coming back despite the fact I would still be killed, talking about how much of a coward I was for running away, how it was my _fault _Mr Crepsley had been killed.

I couldn't stand them all looking at me, cursing me, praising me, congratulating me, pitying me.

And now I was faced with another blow. Harkat had left, believing me dead and pushed out by the other vampires for breaking the rules and interrupting my trial. I forced myself to look at it positively; at least he was still alive, somewhere.

I stood and moved around to the other side of the table, pouring myself another mug of water. Seba had left us with plenty of food and drink while he went to help the medics take stock and prepare for the injuries that would surely follow after we attacked the vampaneze.

Gavner seemed to have run out of things to say, because he simply sat and watched me drink, an empty look on his face. I was worried about him. It was scary seeing him so down and unhappy, and I didn't quite know what to do about it. I knew Mr Crepsley's death would have been a huge shock for him, and a huge blow too, but I never imagined it would have got to him _this_ bad. He was usually so cheerful, I didn't think he could ever be depressed.

The door banged open and shut again as I put my mug down and moved back to my seat. I was almost knocked off my feet as someone practically tackled me, and was only kept upright by their grip on my shoulders.

It took me a moment to realise that it was Arra who had greeted me so forcefully.

Again, her behaviour struck me as odd. She had never acted so warmly to me. She was a friend, sure, but this open emotion was new. The most I'd got from her before now was a hand shake. Clearly, the two people I believed I could rely on now that my mentor was gone were a lot more damaged than I had originally thought.

I was about to make a joke about how if the two of them kept greeting me like this I'd snap in two, to try to get things on the path back to normal, when something made me pause. My face was still against Arra's shoulder, and I could smell the forest and the cold of the outside on her coat. I pulled away and tapped her scarf, a lump in my throat forming, "This smells like him."

Arra blinked and then unravelled the scarf from around her neck and wrapped it around my own before I even realised what was happening. "You should have it then," she said, and managed to smile as she finished adjusting the scarf.

I smiled and pulled it up to my nose. It was both painful and comforting, and when I closed my eyes I could almost, _almost_, imagine that he was standing next to me. "Are you sure I can have this?" I asked when I opened my eyes again. Arra nodded and I gave her another quick hug to show my appreciation.

Gavner was actually grinning at me as we sat down at the table with him. I looked at him strangely, his sudden change in mood confusing me. It seemed having Arra with us had cheered him up, and he almost seemed back to normal.

I had questions about what had happened to Mr Crepsley's body (nobody had mentioned a funeral), and about what would happen to _me_, now I was without a mentor and about to go on trial in front of the Princes for my actions, but I didn't want to ruin the good mood my two companions were suddenly in. I was tired of bad news and hopelessness, anyway.

"Was this his scarf?" I asked, fingering the item of clothing absently. I hadn't seen Mr Crepsley ever wear this, I was certain.

Arra shook her head, "It's mine. But it's fine, Darren, really. You can keep it,"

"Yeah," Gavner smirked, "I'm sure most of her things have Larten's scent on them, anyway. You won't miss one little scarf, will you?" He laughed like he'd just told a great joke, and winked at me knowingly, though I had no idea what he was talking about.

His words had actually made Arra blush slightly. Gavner laughed harder when she shot him a glare that didn't quite look as angry as it should have been. I still hadn't grasped what they were talking about, but I was at least happy Gavner was laughing like he used to.

He elbowed me in the ribs when he noticed I wasn't laughing along with him. "I don't think young Shan knows what I'm on about," he winked at Arra and this time she laughed, too.

"Well, if you explained it to me..." I muttered, a little embarrassed that I was clearly missing out on something.

Gavner held out his hands, "Come on, kid. You're not _that_ naïve, are you?" he tapped the side of my head, "They used to be mates, think about that."

I glanced at Arra and she rolled her eyes at Gavner's words, though she was still blushing. I thought about it, knowing being mates meant they would have travelled together, shared their lives. I suppose it meant they were just a normal couple. Mr Crepsley had compared it to a marriage, hadn't he? So they would have done things couples do, like –

"Oh," I felt my face go red as I realised what Gavner was hinting at. He laughed loudly at my expression and punched my arm playfully. I was sure this must have occurred to me the first time Mr Crepsley had told me about him being mates with Arra, but it was much more awkward and embarrassing now I was actually sitting next to her.

I cleared my throat, "Does that mean you two became mates again?" I asked carefully, not quite meeting Arra's eyes.

She shook her head slowly, "No. Well..." she sighed as if torn between saying more and keeping quiet, "we were going to. We would have..."

I didn't need to look at Gavner to know his grin had gone and he was back to being serious and depressed. I could feel that the mood had shifted and I almost regretted my question.

"He wanted to make sure you would have been okay with it first," Arra's voice was quiet and she was pale again, as if talking about it made her feel ill. "He was going to ask you once you had completed your trials. He didn't want it to distract you, or worry you, or make you unhappy. Making sure you survived your trials was the main thing, everything else could wait." Her voice cracked and she covered her face with her hands, taking shaky breaths.

Gavner got up and took a seat next to her, wrapping his arms around her, trying to be some comfort. He met my eyes and shook his head slightly. His eyes were empty again.

I didn't know what to say. I knew that if they had become mates again, it would have meant Arra travelling along with me and Mr Crepsley wherever we went. I wouldn't have minded that. I liked Arra well enough, and I was sure we'd become closer the more time we spent together. It wouldn't have worried me, or made me unhappy. Besides, how could I have stood between them knowing how upset Mr Crepsley would have been?

"Arra?" I put my hand on her arm, trying to draw her attention. She was practically sobbing now, and it was painful to listen to. "Arra? I wouldn't have minded. I would have liked you two to be mates again."

Gavner smiled at me and reached around Arra to lay a hand on my shoulder. I smiled back, wiping a few tears away from the corners of my eyes.

Arra uncovered her face and looked up at me, and I could see behind the tears there was a warmth in her eyes that hadn't been there before. She took my hand with a shaky, "Thank you," and smiled.

* * *

Let it be known that this all sounds so much better in my head.

Also, I'm sorry about how short these chapters are. I am trying to make them longer, but it's difficult without rambling on about unimportant things. I hope you guys don't mind too much, though!


	9. chapter eight

I wasn't allowed to join in with the fighting. Arra and Gavner had flat-out refused to let me, even though I wanted to get some revenge for Mr Crepsley. They made me stay in my room, though they promised to come straight back after the battle had finished.

It was lonely now, without Harkat to keep me company. I missed the Little Person, but at least he wouldn't have to watch my execution.

Though I had been told again and again not to worry about that, I couldn't help but think everyone was wrong. Arra and Gavner seemed determined to find a way around my possible execution, even though they told me the Princes wouldn't even entertain the idea of killing me after I'd saved them all from the traitor. Seba and Vanez joined in with their reassurances, but I wasn't convinced. The only outcome for failing the Trials was death, and nobody would be willing to overlook my attempted escape, either.

I shifted my legs, stretching them out beneath me. I wasn't worried about being executed. As long as I was allowed to say goodbye to Mr Crepsley properly, I would accept my fate no matter how bad it might turn out to be.

I was starting to get impatient. Being alone this long with only my thoughts for company wasn't great. I kept thinking about Mr Crepsley, his life before me, his life with me, what his life would have been like if I had just stayed and accepted my punishment like a true vampire. It brought an uncomfortable lump to my throat.

Though I had got most of my tears out that night in Seba's office with Arra and Gavner, I still wasn't safe from the sudden emotional outburst. They understood though, and let me rant and cry at them all I needed. They'd shared too, though had sobered up quickly, I think realising the need to be strong for me.

I was grateful for that. I was sure this whole situation would have been a lot more difficult without them.

Voices drifted down the corridor to me, and I sprang up, jumping out into the corridor to see who the voices belonged to. Two unfamiliar vampires were heading towards me, dressed in the uniform of the guards. "Is it over?" I asked, running up to them. "Did we win?"

"Aye," one of them answered gruffly, pushing past me with a glare.

The other one was a little kinder, putting a hand on my shoulder and pointing down the corridor, "You should go to the medical wing. Your friends are there." I stared up at him, confused and frightened. He walked away after the other guard but I wanted to call him back to ask why my friends were at the medics. What had happened?

I turned on the spot and sprinted down through the tunnels.

I had to slow down the closer I got to the medics as more and more people slowly filtered back into the heart of the mountain. They all looked happy, but I did spot a few grim faces in the crowds. I knew not all of the vampires who took part in the battle would have made it back alive. These people must have lost a friend. I took comfort in the fact that I didn't recognise any of these grim vampires, meaning that none of _my _friends had been killed.

The medical wing was packed. Vampires queued up in the main hall to have their wounds seen to. Medics ran back and forth, arms full of bandages and creams and blood soaked cloths. I heard a couple talking at the entrance of the hall and paused a moment to listen.

"Twelve dead, so far," one said, running a hand through his hair, "Not so bad, all things considered."

"We still have more seriously injured though," the other replied, his eyes on the queue of vampires. They were all laughing and joking despite their injuries. "The total count will go up before the night is done."

"Can't be avoided. We all knew some would have to be sacrificed in order to destroy the vampaneze..."

I stopped listening as I noticed that there weren't actually any vampires in this hall with serious injuries. They must have all been placed in the quieter cells, like the one I was in when I went through my Trials. Another glance around the hall told me that nobody I knew was here, so I started forward, carefully picking my way between the many vampires, making sure not to tread on the few who were spread out on the floor.

The cells were a little quieter, but still too busy. Less people were laughing back here. I could hear cries of pain and frantic shouts from the medics. A few vampires stood outside each cell, worry and anger on their faces. They were losing friends and comrades and were in no mood for a celebration.

I walked along the corridor, staring up into their faces, feeling my stomach turn. Still, I didn't recognise anyone. Was that a good or a bad thing? Had I passed them already? Had they left?

A hand reached out and grabbed my arm just as I was about to turn around and take a closer look at each cell, fearing I had missed something. "I believe you were told to stay in your cell, Master Shan," Seba said wearily. "This is no place for one so young."

He was leaning heavily on a staff. His leg was bandaged up, spots of red just visible through the material. "It is just a flesh wound," he reassured, laying a hand on my shoulder.

"Where is everyone?" I asked, trying to see past him into the cell beyond.

The old vampire sighed, "Vanez is in this cell. He has lost his remaining eye. He will never see the light of the moon again, I am afraid." I cringed and he patted my shoulder. "At least he is still alive, Darren, keep that in mind."

I nodded with a gulp, starting to believe him when he told me this was no place for me. "Do you know where Gavner and Arra are? Have you seen them?"

Seba sighed again and his eyes flicked to the end of the corridor, "Darren, perhaps you should wait here. I do not think they would want you to-" I slipped out of his grasp and ran to the last cell, ignoring Seba as he called me back, only to be stopped again by a thick arm around my waist hauling me back as I just stepped into the cell.

"Let me go!" I shouted, struggling against my captor. "Let me _go_!"

"Darren, calm down," Gavner said, pinning me against the wall, which only made me struggle harder. "Let me explain, Darren, please."

If Gavner was out here, I reasoned, then Arra must be in the medical cell. Gavner didn't need to explain anything to me, I already understood everything. I opened my mouth to protest and tell him to let me go again, but I was stopped as a few medics left the cell, followed by Prince Mika. Gavner dropped me and rushed up to him. "How is she?" he asked, grabbing Mika's arm, seeming to forget that Mika was a Prince.

To my amazement, Mika didn't seem to care that Gavner was holding his arm. The Prince looked ill with worry. "Unconscious," he answered and Gavner leaned around him to look in the cell. "The medics have done all they can. We just have to wait," the Prince glanced at me briefly before focusing back on Gavner. "I have things to deal with. Will you stay here with her?"

Gavner nodded. "Of course I will," he answered, and he glanced at me. His eyes were fierce.

Mika returned the nod and started to walk away. He paused just as he reached Seba, who was watching us, and called over his shoulder, "Just keep her alive until I return," and continued to stalk away.

I didn't miss the break in his voice.

* * *

Writing in Darren's POV is ridiculously hard, sometimes.


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